Marriage Truth - Service Changes Things

We’ve come to the end of this series on Marriage Myths. I appreciate your responses. Genuinely. But, it’s just about time for the Collective to return to a bit of creativity, a bit of collective sharing. The Marriage Myths are destructive, sure. But what about Marriage Truths?

Marriage Truth No. 1 – Service changes things.

I’m taking my lead from Amber. She’s right good.


When the walls of occupation fell inward, I was left stranded somewhere between ministry and the law. A darker version of myself, I swirled like a wall cloud but you stood strong. Do you remember that night you met me at the door, took my books from me and led me to the bedroom? My bible and guitar were in the corner and the room was dimly lit with candles. You told me that supper would be ready in an hour, asked me if I’d like a gin. I said, “probably not yet,” and you nodded, “okay.” Through the closed door, I could hear you humming “Just as I am.” The crackling of chicken fried steak echoed in the kitchen.

We grew into our marriage, that garment that first wore like a stiff-starched shirt. In our fourth year, you called me while I was away. “Today I went to a new church,” you said. “I don’t know where you’ll be going when you come home, but this is my new place of worship.” You dragged me to the smallish congregation that met in a middle school gym. The people poured into us, suffered our Reformed Theology, cracked our shells of cynicism, brought us cookies and homemade bread. Sometimes I think they might have saved us.

Two weeks ago, you asked me to go fishing with Jared. “Guilt-free,” you said so I grabbed my rod and a stale set of flies. We stood on the banks of the pond, Jared and I, and stripped woollies through a spring fed pond. The thud of a bass is less intoxicating than the flash of the trout, but it served me well all the same. Jared listened as I broke my dams, spilled stories into the pond. It was freeing, really. Story sharing is cathartic. I suppose you knew that, Amber.


Are you practicing quiet servant leadership with your spouse in the day-to-day? Or, are you beating your head against bricks, begging them to “for the love of God,” change? Consider servant leadership. See what happens.

“With humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves….”